Last Train Home
by Hibird-sama
Summary: "We might approach Death every second, but the last train leading us to it is still far away." The night before he gets sentenced to Death by the Millefiore, Tsuna finally gets to stop being selfless, even if it's just for a single night, thanks to him. TYL 1827/ One-Shot/ No Lemon


**Disclaimer:** I don't own KHR nor its characters.

**A.N.: **This happens ten years in the future, the night before TYL Tsuna got shot, the night when he held a meeting with Hibari and Irie about the plan. (Episode 136 in the anime, ~10:58).

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It hurt him. A lot. It hurt him so much that all he wanted was to die. All he wanted was to escape this reality. It hurt him so much whenever he sees him. Whenever he hears his voice. Whenever he sees these sharp steel eyes on him. Whenever he feels his gaze glistening on him. Whenever he sees that mischievous and mysterious smirk plastered on his beautiful face. Whenever he sees him fighting. Whenever he sees him bleeding. Whenever he hears him grunting. Whenever he feels him.

It hurt him so much, to know that all of these would never be his. It hurt him so much that all he wanted was to die. All he wanted was to not have to carry this burden anymore. This unbearable infatuation that he has towards the older raven male.

When did this infatuation start again?

"Alright. I will do the necessary, Sawada Tsunayoshi."Is that all? Is that all he can say? Alright. Is that all? The necessary? Is that all?

_But I want more than the necessary…_

He could feel them. He could feel these steel eyes he has always wondered to possess trailing on his back. He could feel these eyes he is so familiar with gazing on his suit.

_But I want more than feeling these eyes…_

It hurt him so much to know that these eyes would never show any affectionate emotions. Not towards him, at least. It hurt him so much to know that there is nothing more than a boss-guardian relationship between them. It hurt him so much to know that there is a boundary between them. It hurt him so much to know that there is a whole world between these two.

_But all I want is to be with you…_

According to the plan, he would be shot tomorrow by the Millefiore and go in a death-like state. The thought of dying squeezed his heart more than anything else.

Yes, he wanted to die. He wanted to die, to get rid of this unbearable pain. He wanted to die, to escape this fate of his, to never be able to possess him. But he couldn't die. He simply couldn't, for the sake of his Family. He couldn't afford such egoism as the Family's boss. He couldn't afford such luxury. He couldn't satisfy his own desires when it implies hurting his Family. He couldn't be that selfish.

Yet, all he wanted was a bit of selfishness.

The thought of dying scared him. It scared him so much, despite knowing that he would just be in a temporary death. But the thought of being in-between life and death scared him. He obviously believed in his younger-self, as well as his Family's younger-selves. He obviously believed in them. He obviously believed that they would defeat Byakuran and the Millefiore.

But what if they didn't? What if they failed? It was a dangerous bet, but he had to. He had to do it. For the sake of his Family, once again. He had to risk his own life for the sake of the Family. He had to protect them and to defeat the ennemy, even if it would cost his life. Because he is the Head of the Vongola. Because he is Vongola Decimo.

Yet, all he wanted was a bit of selfishness.

What if he really died? What if he will never be able to see him, to hear him, to _**feel **_him? What if he will have to remain separated from him? What if there will be more than one world between them? What if Death tears them apart? This thought scared him. He had to take his chance. He had to take this bet for the sake of the Family.

Lowering his head and hanging his shoulders, his body couldn't refrain from reacting anymore. This turmoil running in his mind and all of this struggle even scared his body.

Secretely hoping that his Guardian wouldn't notice it, his hope immediately fell to the ground as he heard Hibari's signature 'hn?'. Of course, we are now talking about Hibari Kyoya, which detail would go unnoticed by his hawk eyes?

He could feel them now, once again. This predator-like gaze scanning all over his body, just like a carnivore scanning its prey. He could feel these sharp grey eyes wandering on him, this stoic face facing his back, he could feel everything he was doing. Yet he couldn't feel what he was feeling. Tsuna was like an open book easy to read through, Hibari was like a closed book impossible to read through.

_But all I want is to feel what you feel…_

Sharing emotions. Isn't it something couples do? Isn't it what people do when they found someone who they share a special bond with? Yet, it hurt him to know that he will never do this with Hibari. Because there is no 'special bond' between them. Because there is nothing between them. Because they are nothing. Nothing more than a Guardian and his Boss. Nothing more.

He could feel it now. He could hear it now. As if Tsuna could see behind him, he could see that Hibari had his unreadable smirk plastered on his face as he issued his signature snort under his breath. He could see this smirk. He could see it whenever Hibari was up to something. He could see it whenever something caught his predatory interest.

Yet, it is just a mere predatory interest. He thrilled him. He knew it. He knew that he thrilled him. But what does it mean? It is nothing more than a predatory thrill. A thrill carnivores feel when their prey is harder to catch than the average. Yet, it is not a thrill couples feel when they go through intense moment. No, it is just a mere predatory thrill.

He could hear them now. His leather shoes' heels hitting the wooden ground, the sound of steps going further and further away. He could feel his presence fading away from him. He could feel his heat getting away from him. All he wanted was to turn on his heels, run and catch this heat and keep it forever. Just for him. All he wanted was a bit of selfishness.

But he couldn't be so selfish. He could never be selfish. As if it was decided before birth, as if his destiny has been decided, he was meant to lack of selfishness. He was meant to give up on this luxury normal people could afford. He was meant to give up on feeding his ego. He was meant to be condemned. He was meant to not exist for himself. He was meant to exist for the others.

He could hear the door slowly close behind his back. He could feel this barrier between them now. There is now an other boundary between them; a material boundary. He could feel this closed door. He could feel this closed opportunity. He could feel it.

"Honestly, I thought that you would never accept this plan. However, if you had not made this decision, we would have lost everything. Is that what convinced you?"

Fool. Just like the others. Nothing but a bunch of fools.

He might be selfless on the inside. He might seem to have accepted his fate. He might seem to have accepted his destiny. He might seem to not live for himself, but for the others. Yet, on the inside, the main reason was to escape from this pain. It was to get rid of this unbearable pain. It was to get rid of his destiny.

Yet, he was still being selfless. As this decision will tear them apart. As this decision will create an other boundary between these two. As this decision was not only made for self-interest.

Clenching his fists with trembling hands, Tsuna still didn't have the guts to face Irie. Or more, he didn't want to. He didn't face Hibari, why would he face Irie? He felt guilty on the inside. Extremely guilty, as he privileged more Hibari than Irie. Yet Hibari hurt him. Yet his mere presence hurt him. But he was the one Tsuna could die for.

But he didn't want to die. Not yet. He didn't want to separate himself from him. Not yet. He didn't want to have more than a world between them. Not yet.

Would he even come to his funerals? Would he even cry if he died? Would he even be considered if he died? Would he even know if he died? Would he even care? Wouldn't it be a form of freedom for him? Not having any boss anymore? Wouldn't it be great for him?

Sensing that his boss was getting tensed, Irie decided to take his leave after bowing to Tsuna. Not even bothering bowing back or simply salute back, Tsuna remained motionless until Irie closed the door behind him.

Looking at the stars shining in the dark sky, Tsuna contemplated them with admiration yet fear. He would be part of them soon. He still remembers the sayings he was being told when he was a child. All the dead persons go up to the sky and become a star. And he will be part of them soon. Perhaps for a short-term; perharps for a long-term; perhaps forever. No one knew. No one really knew.

Brushing his fingertips to the imposing windows in front of him, his body shivered at the sudden coldness clashing with his warm fingers. Cold. Coldness. Was it what death feels like? Corpses are cold. He knew it. He has seen many corpses before. And he will be part of them soon.

Tsuna was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice the door opening and getting locked by someone. He didn't feel it. He didn't feel this warmth he used to seek for dangerously approaching his back.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi." Tsuna slightly jerked at the sudden voice. Only one could have this deep, cold, seductive voice. Only one. His heart skipped a beat at the sudden apparence before beating faster than ever, pumping blood more than it should, hence sending blood furiously racing through his veins. Nervously turning his head to the back, Tsuna hesitantly glanced at the perfect face he loved so much.

"Y-Y-Yes, Hi-Hibari-san? I-I thought that you l-left," said Tsuna, before nerovusly laughing. Great. He had been trained for more than 10 years with various adventures he had to go through and now he goes back to his Dame-Tsuna state? Shame on him. But it went worse as Hibari graciously arched an eyebrow, his steel eyes still reading through Tsuna's caramel ones.

"Do you want me to leave?" said Hibari, before turning on his heels and starting to walk away. No, No! Don't leave! _Don't leave me alone, not yet!_ Adrenaline rushing through his body, blood pumping through his veins faster than ever, his feet independently moved and rushed towards the raven. Every step graciously made felt like the longest steps he had ever made. Slowly closing the widening gap between the two, Tsuna made a final jump, stretched his arms as far as he could, caught the former prefect's frame from behind, landed and tightened his grip.

"What doesn't make you a carnivore is that you don't know what you want." He doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. He was the one who doesn't know! Both remaining motionless, Hibari slowly got tired from standing there and brushed Tsuna's hands with his fingertips before the unexpected came. The sound of a hand slapping flesh resonated through the room in an utter silence. He did it. He slapped Hibari's hand. He did it. His body starting to tremble, this didn't go unnoticed by Hibari and the guardian turned his face to his trembling boss, only to have his eyes widening as he saw the younger one crying.

"_**I**_ don't know what I _**want**_? _**I **_am the only one who _**doesn't know**_ what I _**want**_?!" Hibari kept his stoic face, but his eyes observed with interest the small animal pouring tears in front of him and listened carefully. "After all of these years, all these years giving up on what _**I**_ want for what _**you**_ want, I don't know what I want?!" Grey eyes widened as he felt Tsuna's finger suddenly poking his chest. Glaring at the brunette, he was surprised as the said brunette was also glaring at him, though with glassy eyes. "Trust me, after keeping_** everything**_ I wanted burried deep inside of me, I know _**more than anyone else**_ what _**I**_ want!"

"Omnivore."

"No! There is no 'omnivore' nor 'herbivore' anymore! And don't even consider calling me 'small animal'! I have a name. I'm not Vongola Decimo, nor Boss, nor Vongola, nor Sawada, nor Sawada Tsunayoshi. I am Tsunayoshi! What am I to you?! 'Alright'?! 'The necessary'?! Do you despise me that much?! I am tired of keeping everything I wanted just for myself. I am tired of existing for you when I can't even exist for myself! I am tired of being so selfless! I am tired of… of… Of not existing at all!"

While Tsuna turned his back towards Hibari, the last four words kept resonating through the large room. But they also resonated through Hibari's mind. Not existing at all? Not existing at all?

"Tsunayoshi." Tsuna's body tensed at the sudden appelation. Jeez, he just yelled at Hibari Kyoya, the fearsome Cloud Guardian of the Vongola Famiglia, the former Head of the Discipline Committee, the Boss of the Foundation! What went through his mind? Was he that suicidal to raise his voice against him?! "You seem to be mistaken at a lot of points." Tsuna widened his eyes and felt the world stop turning. Him? Being mistaken? Ha!

"Hiba-hmpfffhh!" and before Tsuna could protest, firm yet soft lips shut his mouth by locking them against it. It took him no more than a couple of seconds to realize what was happening. Hibari was kissing him. Hibari Kyoya was kissing him! Discretely pinching his hand, he felt a pain stinging on his hand. So it was true. It wasn't a dream. This moment has finally arrived. The catharsis purifying him from this unbearable pain!

When these motionless lips parted from Tsuna's, wide caramel orbs immediately faced sharp steel ones, before his face turned beet red.

"What would that herbivore do if I told you this in front of him?" asked Hibari silkily, before gently grabbing Tsuna's jaw, approaching his ear to his lips. Tsuna could feel the warm puff of Hibari's breath across his ear, making his whole body shiver. But his body suddenly stopped shivering as the older man huskily whispered three words in his ears.

He couldn't believe it. Was it a dream? Was it some trick Mukuro was doing? Was it some dellusional happiness he was experiencing due to extreme affliction? But these grey eyes going deep through his caramel eyes, this smile he had never seen plastered on his face told him the opposite.

After his cold thumb softly caressed his reddened cheek, Hibari graciously stepped towards the large black shining piano standing behind him by the window. Tilting his head to the side, Tsuna didn't know what Hibari was doing until his pale, long fingers brushed the ivory keys of the piano, slowly forming a melody.

The song was beautiful. It was calming. It was relaxing. It was soft. It was hypnotising him. It was fascinating him. It was captivating him. It was mesmerizing. It was astonishing.

Unconsciously stepping forward towards the Piano, Tsuna sat down next to Hibari and leaned his head on his shoulder. Closing his eyes, Tsuna enjoyed the melody as his Guardian played it smoothly. Feeling his heat, feeling his presence just next to his, feeling his shoulders moving and gently nudging him as fingers wandered across the delicate ivory keys, Tsuna felt like he was in Heaven.

"Remember, Tsunayoshi. We might approach Home every second, but the last train is still far away."

Not really understanding at this right moment what the former prefect said, Tsuna kept his head resting on his firm shoulder and his eyes shut. Because this might be the last moment he could spend together with him. Because this might be the last moment they could see each other before death comes to embrace him as well. Because all he wanted now was to enjoy every second of this selfish moment.

Hibari kept on playing the melody continously, again and again, in a never ending moment of pure happiness until dawn slowly came, the sky illuminating, the stars fading away.

Is it what Death feels like? Is it what it feels like? To have a bullet slowly going through your body, your sight slowly blurring and your head going all fuzzy? Is it what it feels like? To have your body losing any control on itself, to not even feel it anymore?

"_We might approach Home every second, but the last train is still far away."_ So this was it. The song Hibari kept on playing all night long, 'Last Train Home – still far'.

_"I love you."_ Closing his eyes and sadly smiling, Tsuna couldn't help but let a single tear roll down his cheeks as these three words, his voice kept on resonating through his head.

We might approach Death every second, but the last train leading us to it is still far away.

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**A.N.:** I just felt like writing something sorrowful. Bleh, sorry for making Tsuna die once again LOL. And if you want to listen to the song, go on youtube and look for _'Last Train Home - still far'_ and click on the one **EmotionalOstoftheDay** posted. I get emotional whenever I listen to it. It is very beautiful, and yeah. Happy New Year everyone! And look for my main project,**_ The Hell Guardian_** if you have time :D

And to those who didn't understand, Home = Heaven; Last Train= Death. Which means that for Hibari, Tsuna won't die soon as Death is still far away from him :3.

Please review, I don't know if this story is actually good. I just wrote it randomly xD

Ciaossu~

PS: This is a one-shot, which means no following chapters for this story :)


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